


10 - heartfelt (apologies)

by kaiohtic



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Friendship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 16:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8807356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaiohtic/pseuds/kaiohtic
Summary: They haven't spoken for a year, but Sehun is still willing to fight - to apologize and get his best friend back.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry, once again, for the angst, but it's not a (too) bad ending, i promise! ;u;

Sometimes Sehun wishes for time to turn back. At the age of fifteen, life has gotten more complicated. He’s expected to do well in school, do better than well actually, but he’s also expected to be a valuable member of society and take care of his relations to classmates and other people. After all, it’s those connections that will help him later in the future, too.  
  
The doing well in school part isn’t as much of a problem to him who has been called a smart kid. With his outstanding logic, he is able to grasp whatever is taught to him easily enough, and the rest, things that he needs to memorize, he just needs to read and write over and over again to imprint it in his memory for class, homework and exams.  
  
It’s the socializing part that Sehun is struggling with. And it wouldn’t be so much of a problem if Jongin was by his side. He sighs softly and glances at the desk across the room where Jongin is currently seated, a little crowd around him, laughing and joking with him.  
  
_I should be sitting with him, too_ , Sehun thinks but shakes that thought off. They haven’t spoken for almost a year, when the summer vacation before their first year of high school almost ended. Even now Sehun tries to find any hints of a change of mind for they had been the best of friends all their lives. His earliest memories start not only with his parents, but with Jongin, too. They were like one heart and one soul. How could they have broken apart like that?  
  
Sehun still doesn’t understand what has led Jongin to quit their friendship, but he’s sure that he’s the one at fault. Because Jongin said that he just couldn’t be friends with Sehun anymore because they’re so _different_. But wasn’t their difference the reason they had fitted so well? Jongin’s voice would fill Sehun’s silence, and Sehun’s gentleness would calm Jongin’s temper. Jongin was the shield to protect Sehun and Sehun was the reason to keep Jongin in check.  
  
_But maybe that was never the case_ , that tiny voice in his head says. Because Jongin is doing fine without him. It’s only Sehun who is hung up over the past. He is the only one who is still looking at the other, longing for the other’s hand holding his tightly, for the other’s warm body to snuggle into his in bed after a movie marathon. He misses Jongin, and although he knows he shouldn’t, he is determined once more to apologize and beg for Jongin’s forgiveness.  
  
  
  
  
  
It’s been so long since Sehun had been to Jongin’s room the last time. He has never dared to confront Jongin at his home before, but he feels like he’s grabbing the last straw, so he resorts to this. Jongin can’t possibly run away without an explanation when his mother is downstairs in the kitchen.  
  
He looks around. Jongin is still using the same old TV set that Sehun’s parents had given him last year. The Oh’s wanted to throw it away, but Jongin had begged to keep it since his parents weren’t willing to buy him a TV, arguing that he would only slack off in school. Sehun’s parents never worried about that since they trusted their son too much, so they had talked to Jongin’s parents and asked them to trust Jongin a bit more, too.  
  
He smiles when he sees the same Digimon figurines on top of the television. He had gifted them to Jongin when they were only first graders. Knowing Jongin went against the flow, preferring Digimon over Pokemon, he had given them to Jongin in secret. He remembers well the smile on Jongin’s face - the same smile he had given Sehun until the day they “fought”.  
  
“We weren’t even fighting,” Sehun mumbles to himself, tapping lightly onto Agumon’s head. “Jongin just said we couldn’t be friends anymore, that’s all. I was too surprised to say anything, and then he had left. Cruel, isn’t he? But I don’t blame him. He must be upset over something I did.”  
  
“Of course I am upset.” Sehun freezes at the voice. It’s Jongin, but unlike the Jongin a year ago, this one has a deeper voice, his tone indifferent. Sehun doesn’t want to believe that Jongin has changed so much, his demeanor cold towards him now.  
  
“That’s why I came to apologize.” Sehun speaks softly, more quiet than intended, but he hopes that Jongin had heard him nonetheless. He turns around, the corner of his lips that were quirked up just a second ago now turning downwards. He can’t smile when Jongin is flaring at him like that.  
  
“There’s no need to,” Jongin replies courtly and pinches the bridge of his nose as if Sehun was a nuisance, a headache he needs to get rid of quickly.  
  
“There is,” Sehun says, although his resolution is dwindling. What is he doing here when Jongin isn’t welcoming at all? Jongin doesn’t want to fix whatever has gone wrong, does he? He has moved on, deciding to leave Sehun and their old friendship behind.  
  
“I know you hate me,” Sehun continues, voice trembling as much as his heart is hurting. If Jongin has moved on, then Sehun needs to do the same. But for that, he needs to know what Jongin knows. He needs to understand what has gone wrong for their friendship to break irreparably.  
  
“And I accept that. I just wanted to know why you do and apologize for that. I’ll stay away from you after that.”  
  
There are a lot of emotions flitting over Jongin’s face, so quick Sehun can’t figure out what Jongin is feeling. He only knows for sure that Jongin is conflicted. And tired. Jongin looks more exhausted than after a movie marathon. _I must be the reason for that_ , Sehun thinks to himself. His chest is hurting more.  
  
“There’s no need to apologize,” Jongin repeats quietly, his eyes closed. “I can’t do this anymore, Sehun. I’m sorry.”  
  
Sehun thinks he can hear something breaking, the sound loud and dull in his ears. It’s deafening. He has never felt his chest constrict so much he almost blacks out. He can’t stay upright on his feet anymore, but there are arms catching him and warmth enveloping him. It’s only for a short second, Sehun knows, and once Jongin takes away this comfort, he will continue breaking, but he can’t help it. Sehun leans into his ex best friend, eyes closed and wishing for time to stand still.  
  
“You’re not the one who should apologize,” Jongin whispers. “It’s me. I should say sorry. And I am sorry, Sehun. I could never hate you.”  
  
_Why?_ Sehun asks, unsure if he had been able to speak up. Did the word came out or had it been drowned by the sound of his sobs? Why are they in this mess?  
  
“I love you, Sehun. I’ve always loved you more than a brother,” Jongin’s voice carries over. In his haze, Sehun thinks he’s imagining something warm and soft pressing against his lips, briefly, before it brushes away his tears.  
  
“I’m sorry, Sehun. I swear, this is the last time. I will never hurt you again.”  
  
  
  
  
  
Sehun isn’t sure what he and Jongin are now. His mind is reeling when he thinks about the words that came out of Jongin’s mouth, unstoppable, like a flood once the dyke has been broken.  
  
He must have had a lot on his mind, Sehun thinks as he is looking at a sleeping Jongin next to him. His eyes are red and swollen, no different from Sehun’s. They both cried a lot today, until they’ve both felt the pent up emotions rinsed out of their system. And what is left now after all the anguish and hurt has gone away?  
  
He has forgiven Jongin, that he knows. But he is not sure if he is ready to go back to the way they have been when so much has changed between them. Jongin loves him whole-heartedly, that he can feel by the way Jongin’s arms are holding him close, protective and tight, yet loose enough for Sehun to move and break away if he wishes to. But the same Jongin has also pushed him away and hurt him on purpose while trying to protect himself. Will he be able to trust Jongin then? As friend? As potential lover, even though the whole world might be against them? He doesn’t know, and only time will tell. For now, he wants to sleep and forget the past as he basks in all the affection that Jongin is giving him, the affection he has been craving for so long.


End file.
